A Casual Relationship Guide for Men

Let me start by acknowledging that casual relationships are not for everyone, and I completely respect that. This particular blog is in no way encouraging someone who is not comfortable with a casual relationship to pursue one.

I think men would be surprised how many women in this day and age need to have their sexual needs met while waiting to meet "the one". It might take years to meet the right one, and in the meantime it's not really safe to have a series of one-night stands, therefore the casual relationship can be a great answer for those who are confident enough and to handle it.

Casual relationships are difficult to plan. Generally a woman who is open to one will go on a date with you and discover that you're not someone that she wants to be in a relationship with (different goals, different passions, etc.), but she has a good connection with you and finds you attractive and feels that you might be a person she could have a casual relationship with. If you find yourself in that situation, here are some tips

So here are some vital tips and rules to having a casual relationship.

1. Communicate before having sex.

Are you or she going to stay over after sex (generally not), if not, will you hang out for a little bit before rushing out the door. Generally this is a good idea since women are conditioned to be chaste and not slutty. Jumping out of bed immediately and rushing out the door might make her feel a little guilty about the choice and you don't want that to happen. If she's at your place and jumps out of bed immediately then you know she's okay with it. But make sure you know her preferences before the sex begins.

Are you both going to continue dating (most likely yes). If one of you meet someone that you like and either want to get serious with or want to start sleeping with, what then? Most likely in that situation this casual thing will end. Make sure to agree on how to handle that situation if it arises. Honesty about this is imperitive, it's absolutely unacceptable to lie in this situation (i.e. you start having sex with someone else).

Will you be going out before jumping in the sack. I highly recommend it, and that's why it's tip #2 so keep reading to understand why this would work to your advantage. But again, discuss this before you begin your casual relationship because she might be the exception to the rule.

Open communication and honesty is as important (if not more) in a casual relationship than any other kind. It's a tricky thing to navigate but if both people are confident and keep the lines of communication open it can be a fantastic thing

2. Don't Make Her (inadvertently) Feel Like a Prostitute

The second most important thing to being communicative and honest is not making her feel like a prostitute. Women have been socialized to be chaste and not to be "slutty" so even the most confident of us can easily feel a little guilty about casual sex. And feeling guilty or insecure doesn't make for the best sex. So take her to dinner first, and give her a little bit of time after sex before leaving or encouraging her to leave (most women this sexually liberated will probably leave before you suggest it anyways). Dinner or drinks and a little conversation is a small price to pay to get a guarantee lay, and it helps her feel respected enough that she doesn't feel guilty about having a casual thing. There might be some rare exceptions to this rule, so as previously mentioned it's something you might want to agree to ahead of time. I've always let the man know that dinner, coffee or drinks first is just something I must have to feel comfortable before jumping in the sack.

3. One of most people's biggest fears in a casual thing is that one person is going to develop feelings. This is why it takes very confident people who know what they want to pull off a casual thing.

The first rule on this is to not get together too frequently. You don't want to get to the point where you're talking everyday or you always know where the other person is or what they are doing, this is a level of intimacy reserved for relationships. For some women it might be a good idea to discuss this ahead of time. Just simply ask her if this is something she thinks you need to discuss or agree upon, she'll let you know. Once a week is the most I would suggest although if you both need more just agree on that and discuss it in advance, although this is one you could discuss after your first bedroom romp.

Another trick is to maintain conversation as friends (not lovers) when you're having dinner or hanging out. Don't hold hands during dinner or talk as if you're romantically involved. The conversation should be more like two very good friends. This doesn't mean you need to go into detail about some hot girl you ran into the other day. However, you shouldn't be talking like a couple. Keep all the romantic talk and actions confined to the bedroom portion of the evening.

The best way to make sure neither one of you is developing feelings? Communicate! Every so often, ask her how she's feeling about the situation and if she's having any concerns about the situation. This can be one of the most valuable tools in a casual relationship.

3. Be honest and believe that she is being honest. Don't tell a woman you're looking for a relationship, marriage, kids, etc. if it's not true and your just wanting to get laid. If you are honest that you don't want a relationship, or that marriage and kids isn't in your near future, then you are absolutely free of blame if a women gets disappointed when she doesn't believe you or think she can change your mind. However, if you lie to a girl to get her in the sack that's cruel and she didn't deserve it.

And if a woman is honest with you that she's looking for a casual relationship, believe her. Unfortunately most men don't believe a woman who is honest about wanting a casual thing and not a relationship, so they have a one-night stand and never call her again. It's better to disappoint people who are dishonest than people who are being honest and trust your honesty. Getting your sexual needs met at the expense of lying and deceit is not worth it!

If you have any comments, suggestions, experiences, or if you think I've missed something or disagree, please post your comments, I'd love to hear any and all of them!